love in times of food poisoning

There are many comforts that we have on the rigs nowadays, for example now as I am writing I am at a quite big room enjoying decent wi-fi, I went to the gym earlier and after it to the sauna, and in a few minutes is snack time at the restaurant and the baker already let me know that he made some carrot cake. There are some of course many things that we cannot get here, and the most important one is PRIVACY.. that just does not belong on an oil rig.

So, a few hitches ago I met this girl, who had just started working offshore, it was her first embark ever. So there were a lot she didn’t know about, and I was more than glad to help her out. After we covered the main topics including “everything we say at the cabin will be heard by the neighbors” and “most of the guys will try to sleep with you” … and she got fully adapted in a couple days. She was even having a crush on this Italian guy that slept next door. He was so nice that I hardly could blame her for having feelings for him.

That was a rig from the 80’s, very small, and had many works done. One of them was to make more room to crew by dividing cabins and bathrooms in two. Those bathrooms were not only ridiculously small, but the one they shared the “wall” with cold hear your breath coming through, that was so thin the wall was.

I week had passed and there were many pleasantries going on between the girl and the italian… always some small talk and he was being extra gentle with her. One day she got some stomach bug and had just an awful diarrhea… like hours straight at the bathroom being miserable, she just couldn’t leave the joe. And sometimes we were talking at each other, and making fun of the situation and it was alright… Until the next day. Italian guy comes by to check on her, if she had got better… She gave me the look like “I will kill you for telling him”, but well.. I didn’t.. He just heard the situation through the shared bathroom.

The poor thing got even more miserable, she started trying to avoid him, changing her schedules, just because according to her she was dying of shame that he heard her miserable afternoon filled with all the shitty jokes that we made… I tried to show how silly she was being but she just couldn’t face him.

And things continued like that for the next week… He was desperate, and came to me more than once wondering what did he do that drove her away… And I had just to say that I had no idea… Because I might be nice, but there was no way I would play cupid and solve their love life while working 12 hours a day in the middle of the ocean….

“Lucky” and put it in quotes because is a weird kind of luck… There were a food poisoning going on around the rig. Probably due to some bad egg salad .. we will never know for sure, but only the people who had the salad got it, so not that hard to make the math. And both love birds got it.

Since we had the bathrooms so close, they soon realized that they were spending most of their time at the toilet, and started having some seriously messed up conversations… but kind of cute… when you are working at a rig and have nothing else to do at your free time than listen to your roommate almost dying of diarrhea while falling in love with a guy who is as bad as her at the toilet next door.

They soon passed the nasty jokes, and started talking about life, family, plans, was just like normal dating conversation, if you can look pass the fact that they were both sitting at the toilet…

If you wondering… they kept seeing each other after they disembark, and as far as I know they are still together. I just imagine how fun will be them telling the kids their ” how I met your mother” story…


No clothes required…

well at least some girl thought they weren’t….

It happened a couple months ago. I was at my usual cabin at the rig when this girl entered. She was nice, greeted me and introduced herself … she was going to stay with me for twelve days. So far everything seemed normal. And after some small talk while she was unpacking her bag, I had to go back to my duties, but we agreed on having lunch together.

A promissing start, and a girl who sounded very funny…. everything looked fine… Until I went back to the room… and guess what? The girl was fully naked…. yep.. NAKED… like we came down to this world.

I got swept out of my feet… absolutely no idea what the hell was going on… So, I decided to play it cool and pretend nothing strange was going on.. imagining that she was going to put on some clothes. Well… she didn’t. She just kept walking around organizing her stuff, watching tv, chatting with me…while fully naked…

Yep… I had a nudist at my cabin…. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against anybody… but you must agree that is quite uncomfortable to be locked up in the middle of the ocean and sharing a room with a person wh is always without clothes…. very disturbing.

After the initial shock, she kind of grown on me. She told me about how she lives in this naturalist community by the beach, and how she thinks unsettling that so many woman are so unhappy with themselves and would do anything to change their bodies, and that for many men any piece of skin at sight is an invitation and permission for whatever sick stuff going on in their minds. I must say, the girl had some mad point of views and I totally agreed with her…. but still, sometimes I got lost in teh conversation by remembering she was bare skin….

Imagine waking up at 5 A.M. after a shitty night that you woke up three times due to false fire alarms, and another handful of times with all the usual rig noises… And as your alarm is still screaming you get out of the bunker bed, turn on the light, and the first thing you see is a naked woman getting down from the top bed… NOT NICE.

And to make it worse she had this ridiculous amazing perfect looking body… Not hard to understand the why since she lived by the beach, she surfs, runs everyday, is a vegetarian… and only eats organic food…. What about me? I was proud of having tried every single dessert at the cheesecake factory menu… And looking at her I sure as hell regretted my eating habits….

I thought after a couple days I would be used with having a naked girl sitting by my side while I was watching tv… but no… no… no… no… Twelve days passed by and every single moment was quite awkward to be sitting there with someone out of clothes telling me some crazy one night stand stories (I will get into it at another post)….

As disturbing as it was, I gotta say it was definitely an new experience and she sure will be on my rig memories forever…