love in times of food poisoning

There are many comforts that we have on the rigs nowadays, for example now as I am writing I am at a quite big room enjoying decent wi-fi, I went to the gym earlier and after it to the sauna, and in a few minutes is snack time at the restaurant and the baker already let me know that he made some carrot cake. There are some of course many things that we cannot get here, and the most important one is PRIVACY.. that just does not belong on an oil rig.

So, a few hitches ago I met this girl, who had just started working offshore, it was her first embark ever. So there were a lot she didn’t know about, and I was more than glad to help her out. After we covered the main topics including “everything we say at the cabin will be heard by the neighbors” and “most of the guys will try to sleep with you” … and she got fully adapted in a couple days. She was even having a crush on this Italian guy that slept next door. He was so nice that I hardly could blame her for having feelings for him.

That was a rig from the 80’s, very small, and had many works done. One of them was to make more room to crew by dividing cabins and bathrooms in two. Those bathrooms were not only ridiculously small, but the one they shared the “wall” with cold hear your breath coming through, that was so thin the wall was.

I week had passed and there were many pleasantries going on between the girl and the italian… always some small talk and he was being extra gentle with her. One day she got some stomach bug and had just an awful diarrhea… like hours straight at the bathroom being miserable, she just couldn’t leave the joe. And sometimes we were talking at each other, and making fun of the situation and it was alright… Until the next day. Italian guy comes by to check on her, if she had got better… She gave me the look like “I will kill you for telling him”, but well.. I didn’t.. He just heard the situation through the shared bathroom.

The poor thing got even more miserable, she started trying to avoid him, changing her schedules, just because according to her she was dying of shame that he heard her miserable afternoon filled with all the shitty jokes that we made… I tried to show how silly she was being but she just couldn’t face him.

And things continued like that for the next week… He was desperate, and came to me more than once wondering what did he do that drove her away… And I had just to say that I had no idea… Because I might be nice, but there was no way I would play cupid and solve their love life while working 12 hours a day in the middle of the ocean….

“Lucky” and put it in quotes because is a weird kind of luck… There were a food poisoning going on around the rig. Probably due to some bad egg salad .. we will never know for sure, but only the people who had the salad got it, so not that hard to make the math. And both love birds got it.

Since we had the bathrooms so close, they soon realized that they were spending most of their time at the toilet, and started having some seriously messed up conversations… but kind of cute… when you are working at a rig and have nothing else to do at your free time than listen to your roommate almost dying of diarrhea while falling in love with a guy who is as bad as her at the toilet next door.

They soon passed the nasty jokes, and started talking about life, family, plans, was just like normal dating conversation, if you can look pass the fact that they were both sitting at the toilet…

If you wondering… they kept seeing each other after they disembark, and as far as I know they are still together. I just imagine how fun will be them telling the kids their ” how I met your mother” story…


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